In the past, I began too many emails with an apology.
My inbox is often overflowing, so I began many emails with something along the lines of, “Sorry for taking so long getting back to you…”
Or if I was late to a meeting, I’d announce, “Sorry I’m late.”
Then I got a piece of advice which shifted my thinking.
Women in Leadership: Stop Apologizing — Say “Thank You” Instead
Instead of apologizing for my tardiness, I thanked people for their patience. It took the blame and shame off me and at the same time, it makes the other person feel better in the process.
As women, we’re programed or prone to take blame, shame, and guilt in a way men don’t.
How often do men apologize?
Imagine a man in a leadership position arriving late for a meeting. His attitude is, “I’m here. Now we can get started.” It’s not seen as rude. Participants understand he’s busy and running from one meeting to the next.
But when the same thing happens with a woman, there’s a different vibe. She feels badly and guilt-ridden that she’s late and therefore, apologizes.
But what if we shift our mindset?
We’re busy too. There’s no need to apologize for it. But we can still polite and respectful of others.
So, the next time you’re ready to apologize, catch yourself. Ask yourself if there’s another way to frame the situation — with thanking.
Don’t Apologize For Raising Your Fees
I take my beloved golden doodle, Goldie, to this wonderful groomer. Last year, she raised her prices. But before she did, she sent each customer a two-page apology letter.
It was the saddest thing. She went on and on to justify the price increase to us (her loyal customers) and probably even more to herself. She was wracked with guilt over raising her prices.
She could have simply said:
Thanks for being a loyal customer! The new fees for 2026 are as follows…
That’s it. No apology. No guilt.
If she really felt the need, maybe add a line — Thanks for understanding the need for a price increase.
But that’s not what happened. Instead, she went on and on about how terrible she felt for raising prices. Ugh!
Don’t Apologize When for Asking for Money
Whether it’s for a bigger budget, for a donation, or even for a raise for yourself, don’t apologize. Simply say, “Thanks for your consideration.”
When you apologize for asking, you’re sending a message that the ask itself is a burden — something the other person should be reluctant to say yes to. But if you’re asking on behalf of a cause you believe in, you’re offering them an opportunity.
A donor isn’t doing you a favor by giving; they’re getting the chance to make a difference. Frame it that way, and nix the apology.
And if you’re asking for a raise? Same rule. You’re not apologizing for wanting to be paid what you’re worth. You’re stating your value and giving your employer the chance to recognize it. “Thanks for considering this” is plenty.
Don’t Apologize for Making a Decision
If you’ve got a decision to make, you may ask for input from your team. You can thank them for their data, insight, and contributions, but don’t apologize if the decision doesn’t go their way.
Leaders make decisions all the time. But women leaders may feel the need to apologize for their difficult decision.
Don’t!
You were put in a position of leadership for a reason. And leaders get to (not have to) make difficult decisions. No apology needed!
You know what? I’m inclined to apologize for the shoddy writing, the grammatical mistakes, and for the ideas that aren’t fully fleshed out in this post. But I won’t.
Instead, I’ll simply say, “Thanks for reading!”
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