As a fundraiser and nonprofit leader, you hear “no” a lot. And it takes resilience to pick yourself up and face the next day — or the next donor.
I’ve long believed that major gift fundraisers should hear “no” about 25% of the time. I’ll explain why.
Aim for Hearing “No” About 25% of the Time
If you receive a “yes” 100% of the time, you’re probably not asking often enough. You’re waiting until you’re absolutely certain of the gift before making the ask.
The inverse is true as well. If you’re hearing “no” too often, about half the time, you may not be doing enough cultivation or research. It’s a sign you are likely asking too quickly, acting out of urgency or desperation rather than strategy.
There may not be a perfect formula for asking, but one thing is certain:
Fundraising involves rejection. And it’s not for the faint of heart.
No one enjoys being told no, yet in our profession, it’s often part of the job. So the real question is this:
How will you use the no’s?
Will they make you stronger? Will you keep going, learn more, and make better decisions next time?
Because the truth is, in fundraising, and in life, we will all be turned down at some point. What matters is how quickly we pick ourselves back up. Do we recover fully? Do we move forward with confidence?
Yes, Rejection Stings
There’s no way around it. But for most of us, rejection is simply part of the journey.
Nearly 50% of the nonprofits I speak with each year choose not to hire my capital campaign consulting business, Capital Campaign Pro. That’s hours every month spent talking with development directors and CEOs who ultimately decide we’re not the right fit. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt.
But I also know that every conversation is valuable. They learn something, and I learn something. I keep going because I know that the more people I speak with, the more I’ll find who are the right fit.
The same is true for you and your donors, and for many other areas of life. You’ll need to talk with a lot of people before finding those who are truly passionate about and committed to your mission.
Handling “No”: Resilience is the Key
Resilience is an admirable quality.
I was reminded of this recently when my daughter, Zoe, finished sorority rush — an experience that, for most participants, is a crash course in resilience and life lessons. At her large Big Ten school, the process stretched over two long weeks. More than 2,000 students began, all hoping to land in their dream sorority.
Before it ended, hundreds dropped out — not because they were eliminated, but because they were unhappy with their options and couldn’t handle the rejection.
Rejection hurts. No one likes it. But again, it’s part of life.
Zoe told me about girls on her hall sobbing almost every night from disappointment. Many quit. She didn’t.
Did she get her first choice? No, not even close. She nearly walked away. But she stayed, adjusted her expectations, and found her way. And I couldn’t be prouder.
Success Takes Time: Will You or Won’t You?
The next time things get hard in fundraising (and in life), ask yourself:
Will you quit, or will you stick it out?
How will you decide? And what will you take away from the experience?
I see “no” very differently. If you have gotten in the door to get a major gift conversation with the donor, you are already half-way there. They know who you are and what you want, and they have still had lunch with you, or agreed to meet in their home or office. Typically, they want to explain their “no” which could be anything from a major house renovation, a sick wife, or they are over-extended with other multi-year donation commitments right now. A “no” is often a “yes” that you need to wait for. It is still your job to treat that person as one of your major donors. They love the love and they will probably come through at a future moment. And, if they don’t, you have still had the personal pleasure of getting to know them.